Have a safe evening of trick-or-treating, handing out treats, partying, or sitting in your house with the lights off. It’s going to be one of those, right?
Which disguise, these are my favorites? October 30, 2009
Should I be Achmed or Obama? You decide. (Or I might just scrap the whole thing and be Harry Potter, or even better, Voldemort!) Obviously Jose the Jalapeno is my sweetheart on the other side of the room. Isn’t she adorable?
I’ll need your help in choosing my Halloween costume later today. I have a photo shoot scheduled for today. Come back tonight and help me choose the best disguise.
So far away … across the room October 29, 2009
I see you over there, every day, and wish I was closer, my love.
How do I keep this diary? October 28, 2009
I received a comment from a typical overly curious human named Lisa Scott the other day asking how I can possibly keep this diary.
Let me ask you this, Lisa Scott. Have you ever seen the Disney/Pixar film, Toy Story? You remember … the one with Woody and Buzz Lightyear, where the toys are alive? I saw it once, many years ago, from a comfortable spot on top of some bookshelves, back when my leaves were green – not brown and crunchy.
Well, if it wasn’t such a morbid idea, another film could be made called, Dead Plant Story. It would be more factual than Toy Story, by the way.
Does that comfort you?
Maybe a flu shot would be better October 26, 2009
Hey, you humans are funny.
“Let’s mess with the dead plant, why don’t we? Let’s give Phil a FACE MASK so he doesn’t get the Swine Flu! tee hee”
I know all about this Swine Flu stuff, people … H1N1. But here’s the thing: I don’t have a face on which this mask will fit. See how it’s leaning against my dried and crumbling leaves? Now that’s caring.
And another thing: Even if a philodendron could be infected with this H1N1, there is absolutely NO RISK for me since I’m already DEAD.
At least I got some entertaining fodder for my diary. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring.
Greetings and introduction October 25, 2009
I’m Phil. Obviously I was a philodendron cordatum houseplant. The key word there is “was.” My owner is a computer scientist who refuses to dispose of my desicated carcass. She keeps me on display for reasons I cannot even fathom. So I decided to keep a diary until the glorious day when I am no longer scrutinized with disdain by those passing by. How I look forward to the day that I get to meet the dumpster personally instead of hearing you humans whispering about how I belong there. Hey, it’s not my fault she won’t get rid of me! Anyway, until then, I hope you enjoy my diary.